J.K. Rowling's new Ilvermorny writing can be found here.
According to Google, Mount Greylock is the highest point in Massachusetts.
Isolt Sayre was born around 1603 and spent her earliest childhood in the valley of Coomloughra, County Kerry, in Ireland.
Coomloughra is an actual place. (Not saying it wouldn't be. But in case you were wondering.)
Her father, William Sayre, was a direct descendant of the famous Irish witch Morrigan, an Animagus whose creature form was a crow.
Morrigan is an actual figure of Irish mythology. According to Wikipedia, when her crow form flies over something (usually a battlefield), then doom and/or death is approaching. Don't you just love JKR when she does this stuff?!
What, so you're not even gonna tell us what her mom's name is?
First off, this is very Rapunzel. Second off, Coomcallee is also a place.
Gasp!
Murderers and kidnappers do tend to be like that...
While these things aren't necessarily connected, this does end up happening. Ironic, huh?
Well, that's stupid. (I'm a Slytherin, by the way.)
WHY THE HECK ARE YOU ATTACKING ANIMALS?! Like, okay, you're crazy and you don't like Muggles, and while that's stupid, THERE IS NO NEED TO ATTACK INNOCENT ANIMALS TO MAKE YOUR POINT!!!
Well, that's rude. (And don't you dare give me that "boys will be boys" crap.)
What, do you think the Muggle-borns are going to hypnotize the teachers or contaminate the building with some dangerous disease? Because...that's stupid. (Ironically, that's probably exactly what she thinks.)
Well, at least something good happened.
OH COME THE FRICK ON!!!
Oh, she's definitely full-on insane.
So, she's the fictional embodiment of the Harry Potter fandom.
My "Unforgivable Curses" senses are tingling.
*applauds vigorously* (Not about her not being allowed her own wand. That's terrible. It's about her escaping her imprisonment.)
Let it be known that the Gordian Knot is the visual version of Schrödinger's cat.
Scared of Gormlaith’s retribution and her prodigious tracking powers, Isolt moved first to England, but before long Gormlaith was on her tail. Determined to hide in such a way that her adoptive mother would never find her, Isolt cut off her hair.
RAPUNZEL
If there was an actual person named Elias Story on the Mayflower, I am going to act crazier than the Cubs fans would if they won the World Series. (No, seriously, is there any way for anyone to double check this?)
*clears throat* On behalf of my ancestors and my country, I sincerely apologize for the Salem Witch Trials. And other times when America major-league screwed up, such as slavery, internment camps, not allowing women to vote, not indicting white police officers for shooting or otherwise harming black people, and allowing Donald Trump to get this far.
*clears throat* I also apologize to Native Americans and the wizards among them.
This sounds both bad and good, and it is.
This makes me think of a mixture between a boggart and a dementor.
This makes me think of a mixture between Peeves and Kreacher.
WHAT THE ACTUAL DUCK?!?!
*applauds vigorously*
*APPLAUDS VIGOROUSLY*
This happened to Spider-Man once in the eighties. (I can't remember the guy's name, but it was something to do with a cat of prey. Like Puma or something.)
OH, JUST SHUT UP AND APPRECIATE THAT YOU'RE ALIVE!
Isolt Sayre and the Pukwudgie: screwing with society's expectations since 1603.
And now I really want to know what his real name is.
William began to introduce Isolt to the magical creatures with which he was familiar. They took trips together to observe the frog-headed Hodags hunting,
Once my dad Googled hodag, and it autocorrected him to hot dog and he got really frustrated. *clears throat* Anyway, back to relevancy.
Which is a thing.
Which is also a thing.
SHE'S A PARSELMOUTH! *loud explosions* *police sirens wailing in the distance* *Wilhelm scream* *world catches on fire*
What, so Isolt can just go missing for presumably decent periods of time everyday and William just doesn't question it?
I legit thought they were all going to suffer fiery violent deaths at the end just because they couldn't figure out what the serpent was talking about.
Which I certainly don't.
Trust me: you're not imagining it.
Isolt was finally reunited with people of her own kind under tragic circumstances.
Oh, just fricking great.
A moment of appreciation for William for trying to keep her from danger.
BECAUSE HUMANS!
*takes deep breath* All right, bring it on.
A few things:
1) Did Isolt and William know it was that exact Hidebehind? Or is that just a twist of fate?
2) Are the kids conscious? I mean, were they literally about to watch their parents be disembowelled? Because if so...what the heck!
3) WHAT IS IT WITH THIS THING AND DISEMBOWELLING PEOPLE? ARE HUMAN BOWELS AN ESSENTIAL COMPONENT OF ITS LIFE? CAUSE IF NOT...WHY?! AND IF SO...WHY?!
DING DONG THE HIDEBEHIND IS DEAD
You know, I was just starting to like this guy...
There's Kreacher.
So the Pukwudgies have the same stance on humans as centaurs.
Willing to give up her only friend to save two children's lives. This girl is a fricking goddess, people. A GODDESS!
Why do I imagine William carrying him Shrek-and-Fiona style?
Isolt Sayre and the Pukwudgie: screwing with society's expectations since 1603 is no more.
Isolt had sacrificed her only friend for the two small boys who might not survive.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!!
How convenient.
Um, pre-Revolutionary War America wasn't exactly a theme park, so I'm pinning this one on Chadwick and Webster's parents.
"You Hidebehind! You have truly terrible taste in clothing! You also probably wanna shave that mustache!"
#IsoltSayreGoddessOfAwesomeness
CUE THE ROMANTIC DUET!
"The family he befriended?" Is this guy an orphan? HOW MANY ORPHANS ARE THERE IN THE POTTERVERSE?!
"Every magical item has its own rebellious stage. Some of you harbor Voldemort's soul, some of you hoard memories, and we just went with sending Muggles flying, okay? Jeez!"
That sentence right there is something Severus Snape prayed for everyday.
Okay, now we're in "The Little Mermaid" territory.
As if THAT'S ever going to happen.
Is it a common thing in Europe to name your house? Because here in America, it's just...house.
Okay, good, because if this love story went on much longer I was going to throw this laptop, and considering that it's my mom's, that's generally a bad idea.
*whispers* If you listen carefully, you can hear everyone screaming about their result they got from the quiz. In my case, it's in indignation because I accidentally pressed an answer to the last question without reading the question or any of the answers, so I have no idea if I got what I was actually supposed to get, but ANYWAY
I guarantee you that she did not intend to keep that promise.
That last sentence fragment had me laughing for a very long time.
Which is a thing.
When asked what his favourite creature was, James was at a loss. The only No-Maj in the family was unable to consort with the magical creatures the others had begun to know well.
Conspiracy theory: these people are each supposed to represent a character in Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them. Isolt is Newt, James is Jacob, Chadwick is Tina, Webster is Queenie.
Thus were the four houses of Ilvermorny created, and while the four originators did not yet know it, much of their own characters leaked into the houses they had so light-heartedly named.
Well in that case, my house's founder sounds a lot like me. (I'll tell you what I got at the end.)
That's never good. Especially when you are in the wizarding world of Harry Potter.
And had probably not actually intended to give to him at first.
I seem to recall from "A History Of Magic In North America" that Native American wizards tended to not use wands, so she may have been correct.
Good, because I would have been very mad at her if she had.
Don't they die as soon as they are extracted from the dragon or unicorn? Or do they have a life span, like clarinet reeds?
First off, sorry, Serpent, but no families are getting destroyed today. Now I'd like to speak to Isolt. Um, you DO know that nighttime is when criminals and other such weird people are walking around, right? Did you at least take a lantern, or use Lumos? Because, if not, realistically, you should be dead or worse. (*Hermione voice* EXPELLED)
All right, let me get this straight. You woke your NON-MAGICAL husband up at, like, 3 IN THE MORNING and asked him to make your adoptive son A MAGIC WAND when he himself POSSESSES NO MAGICAL ABILITIES and you just EXPECT HIM TO KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. Kudos to James for a) putting up with Isolt and b) ACTUALLY FIGURING OUT HOW TO MAKE AN ACTUAL MAGIC WAND FOR HIS SON WHILE NOT POSSESSING ANY MAGICAL ABILITIES HIMSELF WITHOUT ANY INSTRUCTIONS WHATSOEVER.
ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT THEY GOT UP AT 3 IN THE MORNING AND CHOPPED DOWN A FRICKING TREE
WITH NO INSTRUCTIONS WHATSOEVER
By the time Webster turned eleven, the reputation of the family’s little home school had spread. Two more magical boys from the Wampanoag tribe had been joined by a mother and two daughters from the Narragansett, all interested in learning the techniques of wandwork in exchange for sharing their own magical learning.
I feel like because of Ilvermorny's origins, it would teach a mixture of European and Native American magic techniques. (Which, when you consider what American culture is like, that actually really fits.)
HOPEFULLY THEY DON'T MAKE THEM ALL AT 3 IN THE MORNING WITH NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING WHATSOEVER
THE JACKALOPE
OF ALL CREATURES JKR COULD'VE REFERENCED HERE
SHE CHOSE THE FRICKING JACKALOPE
I feel bad for Rionach. She'd be the child whose name no one can pronounce. "Chadwick, Webster, Martha, and...what?"
OH COME THE FRICK ON
This lady is quite literally Mother Gothel: she just won't die.
People still call her that?! I thought that was just a thing between her and her dad!
TAKE THAT, GORMLAITH!
What's so bad about Ollivander? Ollivander's awesome!
Bonaventure is an actual ship that was owned by England, but its last voyage was in the late 1500s, and our story takes place in the 1600s.
This woman is the Umbridge of the 1600s. Except not quite that bad. Because no one is as bad as Umbridge. No one.
JESUS CHRIST WOMAN
I am legit surprised Voldemort didn't use this spell. It sounds like something he would do.
Why would you WANT to put it to sleep? Like, I see how that's useful in this situation, but presumably YOU'RE the owner of the wand, so why would you want to shut your own wand off? In case someone else falls into possession of it, I guess?
Also, I like the metaphor of Slytherin's wand holding Basilisk horn and Chadwick and Webster's holding Horned Serpent horn. I see it as Gormlaith is the Basilisk, and Isolt is the Serpent: both snakes, but one with good intentions and one with evil.
HOW HAVE YOU HEARD OF TWO OF THE SCHOOL'S FOUNDERS AND NOT HEARD OF THE OTHER TWO?!
Not only does my metaphor continue, I find it interesting how the Serpent is acting similar to how Fawkes acts toward Dumbledore. (Which, if you follow the Super Carlin Dumbledore Horcrux Theory, gets MUCH more interesting.)
Like all children, Chadwick had heard and understood more than his adoptive parents had ever imagined.
Let us appreciate the truthfulness of that statement.
Poor Chadwick.
*Sorting Hat voice* GRYFFINDOR!!!
As adults are bound to do.
But, you know, if you're a Muggle-born of extraordinary talent, you can just go burn in the Underworld.
Me during a thunderstorm.
Two onto one made her job more difficult: moreover, the twin cores of the Boot boys’ wands, when used together against a common enemy, increased their power tenfold.
HOLD UP A MINUTE. Are you saying that, if Harry Potter and Voldemort were ever to attack the same person, they would be even more powerful than they already are?!
From what I gather, babies are hypersensitive to noise, so I honestly think they should've awoken by now.
WHAT IS IT WITH THE VILLAINS IN THIS SERIES AND NOT APPRECIATING LOVE?!
This is a reverse of what happened to Harry Potter. For HP, James went to face Voldemort and Lily went to defend Harry. In this story, Isolt went to face Gormlaith and James went to defend Martha and Rionach.
Gasp!
Take notes, Lily.
Ooooooooooooooooooookay.
Yayness!
AND THE SCREAM HEARD ROUND THE TOWN, WAS THE END OF THE CRAZY LADY! (If you don't know what I'm referencing, watch this.)
JKR is trying a little too hard to compare Gormlaith to Voldemort. She's evil. We get it.
Victory!
*Picard facepalm meme*
GODDESS
It is widely believed that it was this piece of flattery that softened William’s heart,
*applauds vigorously for James*
Pukwudgies dislike humankind, right? So you have several creatures grumbling around cleaning a house and talking about how they don't wanna be here. Please show me this.
*applauds vigorously for William*
Slytherin’s wand remained inactive following Gormlaith’s command in Parseltongue. Isolt could not speak the language,
Um, yes, you can. You just don't know it.
Within a year an unknown species of snakewood tree had grown out of the earth on the spot where the wand was buried. It resisted all attempts to prune or kill it, but after several years the leaves were found to contain powerful medicinal properties. This tree seemed testament to the fact that Slytherin’s wand, like his scattered descendants, encompassed both noble and ignoble. The very best of him seemed to have migrated to America.
MY METAPHOR SENSES ARE TINGLING
Ilvermorny’s reputation grew steadily throughout the following years. The granite house expanded to a castle. More teachers were recruited to meet the growing demand. Now witch and wizard children from all over North America were being sent to learn there and it became a boarding school. By the nineteenth century, Ilvermorny had gained the international reputation it enjoys today.
For many years, Isolt and James remained joint Headmaster and Headmistress, as beloved to many generations of students as members of their own families.
Imagine you have a kid who has an abusive family like Harry, who comes to Ilvermorny and discovers that Isolt and James are his ideal parents, and when they have to go back home for the summer, and they just cry. *clears throat* And now, away from painful thoughts.
So he's the Miranda Goshawk of Ilvermorny.
Prior to the creation of MACUSA (the Magical Congress of the United States of America), the New World was short of wizarding law enforcement. Webster Boot became what would now be known as an Auror for hire.
That reminds me of an old Western show called "Have Gun, Will Travel."
I was speculating on who this wizard was until I realized that we're talking about the 1600s here.
*starts jumping up and down like a lunatic* TERRY BOOT! TERRY BOOT! TERRY BOOT!
Did she just go and completely screw up this happy ending?!
In case it hasn't hit you yet, the founder of Ilvermorny is distantly related to Lord Voldemort.
I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying!
As might be expected of a school part-founded by a No-Maj, Ilvermorny has the reputation of being one of the most democratic, least elitist of all the great wizarding schools.
*V I G O R O U S A P P L A U S E*
While the rest of the school watches from the circular balcony overhead, new students file into the round entrance hall. They stand around the walls and, one by one, are called to stand on the symbol of the Gordian Knot set into the middle of the stone floor. In silence the school then waits for the enchanted carvings to react. If the Horned Serpent wants the student, the crystal set into its forehead will light up. If the Wampus wants the student, it roars. The Thunderbird signifies its approval by beating its wings, and the Pukwudgie will raise its arrow into the air.